Went out with Peiyi yesterday to Katong to eat at this place called "Everything with Fries". The food was okay, the portion however was really filling, but the desserts were ULTRA NICE ! Haha I guess its a nice place to have a good meal, and prices are quite reasonable for restaurant-style food.

Talked to Ms Wee about all the unhappiness. I guess you could say after the chat, I'm not pissed off or disappointed at them anymore. I'm actually quite disappointed in myself. She hinted a point to me and I felt that it was right, that the reason why QP probably treated me so cold and start distancing herself away from me was because she wanted to draw a clear line, and made sure that she doesn't give me the wrong impression. And when I think about that, I kind of realised that everything that has happened to date could be also due to this very same point. It kind of dawned on me that everything that has happened, or is happening, how this friendship has changed, is kind of because I was the one who made this change, because I started liking her, and she started distancing herself, and as time past, the clique itself started changing as well. This is probably one of the biggest reasons why we should or will never be together, other than the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me at all. I used to think the idea of thinking about how "the friendship will change because of a failed relationship" is dumb, because its as if you're giving up even before you try, but ironically, I've been proven wrong and bitten harshly in the sense that the friendship has already changed even though there WASN'T any relationship to even begin with.

I took the whole night and the whole of today to think things through, and it reminds me of my past relationships, how I've never ever thought that liking someone or caring more for someone actually ends up being backfired, and having everything change. Its dumb, but I guess its just me. I just don't know how to handle such stuff anymore, or to be more precise, I NEVER really knew how to handle and care for someone ever. Its not her fault, nor their fault that things turn out this way, I guess the irreplaceable truth is that its just me. That I caused this change and thus end up feeling angry when I'm the one in the wrong.

Its hard to let go of something you always kind of wanted or even dream of at times, but I guess its for the better of everyone that I let go now, rather than the situation getting worse. Never expected an outcome like that, but I guess this was the way it should have been all this while, that I should have given up a long time ago, but yet I chose to cover my eyes to everything. I guess my thinking couldn't have been more childish in thinking that everything could work and things should always be given a try.

Its time to wake up. Really.

Time to realise that everytime I like someone things only get worse.

Time to stop wishing that I'll find one that cares and understands, when the truth is no one truly understands or cares that much for me.

And lastly,

Time to grow up..