Hey.

Sorry for not blogging for such a long time. I've been busy. And lazy. Well basically both busy and lately. Haha.

Anyway the reason why I'm blogging tonight is because I'm feeling down. I just found out something and although I kind of expected it, I still can't contain the disappointment enough. I guess I have been acting all over my head recently. I know myself, I don't have a proper education nor a good career, and in the past more often than not, it has been one major reason that I used to stop myself from falling in love. I just got over a very very long crush on someone really special in my life, and during this whole crush, other than the fact that she probably treats me like one of her good friends in life all this while, one other factor that I've constantly reminded myself of is that I have neither a good career nor even a proper degree to my name, and I would never allow myself to actually be in a r/s cause in my current situation, I would never be able to give happiness to any girl at all. And yet, after forcing myself to move out of this super long crush, I met another girl, and just as I thought she's a nice girl, and actually think I could make things work probably in the future, God brings me back to Earth and lets me find out that to her career and education is something she minds in a boyfriend. I guess I totally forgot about that. Haha.

Its sad that I'm feeling low and yet I force myself to laugh, but I guess this is my life. This is something that I accepted about myself since a long time back, and I guess I should never forget about it.

People say that its okay, that I'll will still be able to study and get a good career in the future. But maybe that's why its wierd, because I was never the type of guy who actually planned for the future too much. I always took a step at a time, and it always worked for me somehow. Haha guess this is probably just one of the many set-backs to come in my way of life.

Anyway I'll just emo through tonight, and brace myself up tomorrow morning. Things always get better, or at least I'll pretend that I believe in that and move on.

If I have to create a word to call a person that smiles despite him being sad and troubled all the time, the word would be "ME"...